Saturday, May 2, 2009

Ways You Can Contribute To The Panic Surrounding Swine Flu

The Swine Flu - or H1N1 as it is now being called is a serious thing. While any death from this is tragic, I can't help but be amazed at the panic surrounding this virus. Government agencies and news medias seem to be fueling an ever-growing fire by suggesting that we not travel to 'certain' places, cover our mouths when we sneeze or cough and stay home if we're sick. The latter two are common sense and have an extremely high 'duh' factor. Schools and universities are closing and Oregon now has FIVE confirmed cases of Swine Flu. It appears the pandemic of epic proportions has reached even us.

While the government and news medias are already doing a fine job of creating panic, I thought I would suggest a few ways that we citizens of this great nation can do our part in contributing as well.

1. Wear a pig snout while doing your grocery shopping and when it's your turn at the checkout, tell the cashier that everyone is looking at you strange and ask if you have a booger hanging from your nose.

2. While in a crowded restaurant play some banjo music and start squealing like a pig.

3. When loading up your plate at the salad bar, cough loudly and snort like a pig after each cough.

4. Get a can of Lysol, put a mask on your face and run down the street, spraying the Lysol can behind you and yell over and over, 'Make them stop! Make them stop chasing me! The pigs are chasing me! Make them stop!'

5. Order your grande latte using snorts and squeals. Then act disgusted when they can't understand what you want.

6. Drag a leash behind you, stopping every-so-often and give the command to 'sit'. When you catch your neighbor looking at you strangely tell them you're training you're pet pig.

7. Tell the pharmacist you have a pig-tail sprouting and inquire as to whether this is a side-effect of the SF.

8. Load up your shopping cart with Lysol, alcohol, masks and Purell and then if you see anyone else with those items in their cart, grab it out of their cart and run.

9. Go to a crowded park, and start running around, ducking wildly and yelling 'those blasted pigs are dive bombing me!'

10. Go about your life and ignore the panic.

Ok, those are absolutely ridiculous but so are Heidi and Spencer. I think some common sense is probably what the doctor would prescribe.

31 comments:

Shark Bait said...

You know what they say - common sense isn't.

Well actually I don't think anyone does say that, except me.

But they should.

Wendy said...

Clearly there is not enough going on in the world to make the media happy. Good thing this swine flu came around!

Billy Coffey said...

You are awesome.

katdish said...

What Billy said.

Helen said...

Your list reminds me of Rabbititus from Bugs Bunny's "Hare Tonic". Did I ever mention my husband thinks of BB as his role model? He has done the Rabbititus things for everyone we know. At least twice.

Nick the Geek said...

I'm gonna try and get a surgical mask form the hospital next door for church tomorrow and draw a pig snout on it with a sharpie.

Better than a monkey butt.

Michelle said...

Annie K you are my new hero!! I love you like a pig loves his mud bath!!!

WOO!!!

Helen said...

NtG, please post (or tweet) a picture of you (or anyone) wearing that mask. Please, please, please....

bob "catsmeat" migon said...

sympotons of Rabbititus
1 spots in front of the eyes
2 coating of the tonque
3 violent fits
4 in the last stages, patient has delusions taking on the characteristics of rabbits!

Matt @ The Church of No People said...

Great post! I'm with you - the media exists to create a story, even when one does not exist.

Wendy said...

Happy birthday!!!

katdish said...

Happy birthday!

Now come see me!

Shark Bait said...

Happy Birthday!

<-SB><

sherri said...

Happy Birthday Annie K!

Enjoy your special day.

Stop by my place for a birthday gift!
Stop by BOTH of my places.

Kenny said...

Sherri said to wish you a happy birthday on SCL so Happy Birthday!

Michelle said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNIE K!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNIE K!!

Your the best! I love you!!!

Helen said...

Happy Birthday. Check twitter. Party hearty. Yeah, I'm bossy. Love you Annie. Have a great birthday!

Kathy said...

Happy birthday!

Beth said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Hope it's a great day!!!

Annie K said...

Y'all are awesome. A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!

And when I get back from work I will post an appropriate respone to all of the love I'm feelin' this morning. ;)

Ok, lurker mode I go.

Big Al said...

Sherri said to wish you a happy birthday and you know I do everything Sherri says, so
Happy Birthday.

Bob "catsmeat" migon said...

What Big Al said, but substitute the name Helen for Sherri. Yeah. Sure I do.

~jill said...

we've decided to go to Disneyland and cough our way through the lines....and talk loudly about our recent time in Cabo. lol

oh! and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

Peter P said...

Happy Birthday!

Jessica Latshaw said...

I came over from SCL to wish you a happy birthday today! Hope it's a great one!!!

Marni said...

Happy Birthday!! :)

Billy Coffey said...

Happy birthday, Annie!

sharilyn said...

this was great! (i just came over from katdish from billy coffey...)

last week on my birthday a friend and i ignored all of the 'stay away from crowded places' warnings and went to the Happiest Place on Earth--yes, Disneyland! i decided to entertain myself while waiting in lines... when i would cough (covering it, of course, 'cause the gov't told me that's what i should do), i would follow it with the words "SWINE FLU!" i tested the waters first by sort of muttering it under my breath...then grew bolder and louder... it was a bit like tourettes syndrome--but much much funnier to us! i was cracking myself and my friend up!! :)

(i don't know how everyone felt around me, but it was good times...good times!)

oh, and i hear a Happy Birthday wish is in order today... HB!!

jasonS said...

Just dropping by here to say happy birthday too! Have a great one!

Great post too...

Stacey said...

Don't you love having your virtual birthday party on a post about the swine flu?

Anyway, Happy Birthday! Hope you are having a great day!

Intense Guy said...

LMAO!

The media isn't happy unless they are hyping up something beyond all reason.

Came over from Sherri's Matter of Fact to give this a read. Thanks for the laugh!