Hailstorms, Frost And Gardening By Faith

There is something about gardening that is kind of like therapy for me. It's a moment in time where it's just me, the plants, a whole lot of dirt and time to think. When I garden, I don't bother with shoes and gloves because I like the feel of my feet in the dirt and it's easier to pull the weeds with my bare hands.

Because I don't wear gloves, I have a spot on the palm of my right hand that is constantly blistering from the handle of the trowel I use to dig up the weeds. Eventually it heals, but the tender red scar it has left is a constant reminder of how hard I work to rid my garden of the the 'things' that don't belong.

I hate the weeds. I can spend a hours digging out all of the weeds and a week later, there is a new crop that has sprung up again. No wonder the blister never goes away. What I can't figure out is why the weeds grow so much faster than my vegetables. Growing a garden is a challenge in this neck of the woods anyway, but if the good grew as fast as the bad I probably wouldn't mind the weeds so much.

Not only do I battle the weeds, but the elements as well. I plant my garden in May and pray against the frost. As little sprouts begin to emerge, I become excited and hopeful at the prospect of all the wonderful vegetables that will soon fill my plate. But as was this year, an incredible hail storm beat my little plants down. And then the frost hit.

So I replanted and watched the sprouts emerge again.

Then yesterday as I was pulling weeds, I noticed that the beans, which I had seen poking through the ground the day before, now had the tops eaten off and one bean was lying on the ground. Standing there over the row of beans, and deciding whether my best revenge was a pellet gun or .22 rifle, I realized that the garden is just like my life.

From the outside it may look like a lot of dirt, but there is some good stuff that grows out of it. I battle the weeds, knowing they are always under the surface, tend to the blisters and live with the scars. The hailstorms of life come and beat me down, the frost tries to kill the new growth, but then the weather changes, the son envelopes me in security and warmth and I flourish once again. It's a never ending cycle, but I believe it's all part of learning to trust the master gardener with my life.

I have a lot of weeds, and the hailstorms, well, there are plenty of those. Most of you know I am half of a blended family. If there is one situation where the weeding never ends and the hailstorms deluge, it is in a step family. And right now, who isn't battling the financial storm? The uncertainty that comes with wondering whether I'll be just another statistic in the mortgage failout is at times as overwhelming as staring into an acre of weeds.

It would be easier to give up on the garden, quite worrying about critters and frost and let the weeds do what they will. But I'm too stubborn for that and I enjoy the fruits of my labor. It's kind of like faith. It's easier to give up ones faith in God when things aren't going exactly as planned than it is to continue on in faith even when the hailstorms come.

I know God will take care of me because He loves me that much. I've got His Word to fertilize my soul and I know that I can conquer the weeds and come back after the storms because He has promised to take care of me no matter what.

**********************************************************************

If you are facing some storms right now, I can confidently say that there is a pretty awesome group of people who hang around this blog and would offer up some prayer for you should you request it. Or you can go here and leave your request as a comment, or email me at buzzbyannies@gmail.com. Sometimes, it's easier to face the storms with an army, than it is to by yourself.

Impatience Is Not A Virtue

If impatience were a virtue I'd have that one nailed down. It has never been in my nature to be overly patient and I think part of it is my Type A personality (if you know anything about Type A, the first characteristic of said person is time urgency and impatience. Go figure). Patience is definitely something I want to have more of and I realize that in order to perfect that virtue I need to practice it. Not just for a day, but possibly days, weeks, months... You get the picture.

My friend Bo recently wrote a post on waiting. Waiting takes patience and we've already established that I am in-lack-of. I want to wait in eager anticipation of where God is taking me and wait in complete humility and silence as I listen for God's voice directing me. But I don't like waiting. Period. And instead of waiting patiently and listening for His voice, I usually end up having a conversation with God that goes something like this:

Anne: God, I've been waiting patiently and I think I've got it all figured out so how about you go ahead and share 'the plan' with me so I can get started on this thing.

God: Silence.

Anne: Uh, God, I'm still here waiting and I know you hear me, which is really cool because you're not like me who can just pretend I didn't hear you(when my will doesn't want to do something you're telling me to do, but maybe we can deal with that one later), so maybe now you can share that really cool plan you have for me, with me. I mean the clock is ticking and with the way stuff is going in the world I'm feeling a little sense of urgency. I'm sure you are too. Right?

God: Anne, you've been waiting 6 minutes.

Anne: Wow, has it been that long?

It's easy to want to jump the gun and get ahead of myself instead of just revelling in what God is doing with me. I start to feel pretty good about something and then 'wham' I take a 'devils in the house' hit and I realize I'm not as well off as I thought. I know it's because I haven't waited long enough for God to 'sift' me because I'm human and that causes discomfort and I can be very insecure about whether I'm really valuable enough for God to love me the way He says He does. And, I'm just flat out impatient and usually run before I walk. I think my comment on another one of Bo's posts about how faith is like the leaves in the fall and whether one is a clinger (not wanting to let go when God wants you to) or a jumper (you are willing to let go) sums me up pretty well. "I am a jumper by nature, but sometimes I get impatient and don’t always ‘wait for my color to change’ and I’m the one green leaf laying on the ground." (Oh, it can be a lonely world out there.)

Having the patience to wait until God says go takes a lot of faith. Having faith while being an extremely Type A control freak takes a lot of work. The good news is progress is being made because I'm figuring it out. Slowly but surly I'm recognizing the places in my heart that need the most work and I think that feeling God's conviction about things is a big step in moving closer to his will for me. I know that I need to cling a little tighter to God and let go of the things that give me a false sense of urgency. I know God loves me and whatever insecurities I have are not from Him but the one who wants to destroy the relationship I have with God. I know that I put a lot of pressure on myself and feel a tremendous sense of judgement towards myself whether it's real or not. It comes with the high expectations I put on ME and not ever living up to those expectations and feeling failure for it.

I'm learning to accept my humanness and to not beat myself up when I fall but It's not an overnight change. I don't know that those around me totally understand it and at times feel like that one little leaf that jumped too soon. I also think sometimes, that is where God wants me. If I don't have the distraction of all the others around me it's easier to hear the one voice that truly matters.