The Swine Flu - or H1N1 as it is now being called is a serious thing. While any death from this is tragic, I can't help but be amazed at the panic surrounding this virus. Government agencies and news medias seem to be fueling an ever-growing fire by suggesting that we not travel to 'certain' places, cover our mouths when we sneeze or cough and stay home if we're sick. The latter two are common sense and have an extremely high 'duh' factor. Schools and universities are closing and Oregon now has FIVE confirmed cases of Swine Flu. It appears the pandemic of epic proportions has reached even us.While the government and news medias are already doing a fine job of creating panic, I thought I would suggest a few ways that we citizens of this great nation can do our part in contributing as well.
1. Wear a pig snout while doing your grocery shopping and when it's your turn at the checkout, tell the cashier that everyone is looking at you strange and ask if you have a booger hanging from your nose.
2. While in a crowded restaurant play some banjo music and start squealing like a pig.
3. When loading up your plate at the salad bar, cough loudly and snort like a pig after each cough.
4. Get a can of Lysol, put a mask on your face and run down the street, spraying the Lysol can behind you and yell over and over, 'Make them stop! Make them stop chasing me! The pigs are chasing me! Make them stop!'
5. Order your grande latte using snorts and squeals. Then act disgusted when they can't understand what you want.
6. Drag a leash behind you, stopping every-so-often and give the command to 'sit'. When you catch your neighbor looking at you strangely tell them you're training you're pet pig.
7. Tell the pharmacist you have a pig-tail sprouting and inquire as to whether this is a side-effect of the SF.
8. Load up your shopping cart with Lysol, alcohol, masks and Purell and then if you see anyone else with those items in their cart, grab it out of their cart and run.
9. Go to a crowded park, and start running around, ducking wildly and yelling 'those blasted pigs are dive bombing me!'
10. Go about your life and ignore the panic.
Ok, those are absolutely ridiculous but so are Heidi and Spencer. I think some common sense is probably what the doctor would prescribe.
