Friday, July 9, 2010

I Live in The Craziest Place on Earth: What Happens When You Euthanize a Few Annoying Geese

Apparently I can now be completely embarrassed by some residents of my home town because of this. Not only is my town famous for the first 'man' to ever birth a baby, which was a big joke because the 'man' was actually a woman who supposedly had a sex-change but kept her ovaries in case she wanted children (and in my book that is a woman having a baby) but we can now add our town as being the first ever to hold a memorial service for euthanized geese.

Seriously.

According to Foster Fell, who has worked relentlessly to organize the memorial service, he moved here two years ago to rub elbows with Central Oregon's wildlife and is now appalled over the fact that our Parks and Recreation District had to euthanize some geese because the goose population is out of control.

You see, not only has everyone else in the country decided to make Bend their home, but so have a gazillion geese. Because the Parks District has done such a fabulous job of creating parks in our town, the geese have decided to fore go migrating in favor of staying here year round in order to enjoy the rivers, grass, sun, snow and all those lovely lawns of anyone who happens to live within close proximity of one of those very nice parks.

So, while Foster Fell is rubbing elbows with all of those geese, the rest of us are having a hard time enjoying the parks because we're too busy dodging all of the goose crap that covers every square inch of those beautiful grassy parks.

The Parks District spends thousands every year cleaning up after and repairing damage caused by the geese and the euthanizing of 109 geese (that was approved by the USDA and ODFW) was a last ditch effort to ease some of that burden that tax payers like myself foot the bill for. The best part? The geese were used to feed the many homeless men, women and children in the community. So, while Foster Fell for the past few days has been 'nursing a tear in his eye and a lump in his throat' and feels the need to 'bring people together to pray, sing songs and console each other' over some dead geese, he can rest assured that the goose meat went to a good cause. Feeding the communities homeless. You know, HUMAN BEINGS.

I did a quick Google search of Foster Fell to see what else he's holding memorial services for and I couldn't find a thing. So just out of curiosity Foster Fell, have you,

'Nursed a tear and a had a lump in your throat every time an American soldier died defending your rights and the rights of others in Iraq or Afghanistan?'

'Nursed a tear and had a lump in your throat for every man, woman and child in our community who is homeless and has to rely on a soup kitchen for food and a shelter for a bed to sleep in?'

'Nursed a tear and had a lump in your throat for the children who suffer physical and mental abuse at the hands of someone they are supposed to be able to trust?'

'Nursed a tear and had a lump in your throat for the families whose lives have ended in tragedy and we don't have the answers why.'

Perhaps you have. But I am still left wondering.

10 comments:

Helen said...

I was wondering if they could use the meat of a gassed goose. Seriously. That is my only concern. That the meat not go wasted. Goose is delicious stuffed with apples and sauer kraut, though my daddy prefered rice, onions, and sauer kraut.

Annie K said...

Helen, I've had goose jerky and it's pretty dang good. There are plenty more geese in our parks...

jasonS said...

Annie, this reminds me of those Sarah McLachlan commercials where she's singing "in the arms of the angels" and begging people to send money for displaced pets. I agree they look sad and I think its terrible, but the melodrama bugs me first of all and the fact that so many children, men, and women are going hungry every night in the cold while famous singers raise money for poor pooches bothers me more. I just get a little righteously indignant (and it just makes me a little crazy)...

Marni said...

Jason, that made my day! I thought I was cold-hearted. And maybe I am, but at least I'm not alone ;-) I totally get irritated at that "Arms of the Angels" commercial too. Have ya'll seen Noah Wylie (from ER) begging us to save Polar Bears? It shows them floating on icebergs and looking sad and Noah acts indignant that we might have froo-froo coffee that day instead of cheering up a bear. Sigh.

jasonS said...

Marni, I forgot about that one! Yeah, I don't like that one either. I love animals, but sheesh. Plus, I don't respond well to flat out guilt trips. :)

katdish said...

Ahhh...

How I love a good rant! Poor geese. Snort!

Shark Bait said...

Silly Geese. I'm sure they had it coming.

I say euthanize a few more if you have to.

My cousin Jo nearly got eaten by a goose once. They're worse than sea-gulls.

On the other hand, lonely polar bears are just sad. I mean, look at those big, blue eyes.

Beth said...

Dude. Sad animal commercials= guilt trips= manipulation= not of God.

Annie...Goose jerky...really?

Candy said...

So what's wrong with gassing them, stuffing them (as in taxidermy) and selling them as lawn ornaments? Beats the heck out of a pink flamingo and the locals will always have them visible. Poopless, yet visable.

Please, no goose jerky.

Wendy said...

Know who needs some goose jerky? Billy Coffey. His jerky supplies are running low and he'll need them back at school soon. Could you hook him up, Annie?