This morning, Sherri had a post referring to her 'Stink eye' look. I know we all have a 'look' and so I emailed my husband regarding said look. Specifically, what goes through the male brain when they are on the receiving end of 'the look'. Jon is a smart man. He didn't come clean with what exactly goes through his mind in these moments, but instead, came up with a handy-dandy little guide for men on how to survive 'the look'.
5 Point Survival Guide for Men
by Jon W. Birky
You all know 'the Look'... those of us with mothers, daughters, wives or sisters have seen it all too often. Pity those of us that have all four.
This 'look' I speak of is one that immediately sends chills down the spine... droplets of sweat bead up on the head bone as your brain races with the intensity of a 7,400 rpm shift- frantically searching your memory banks for the error of your ways. What did I do? When did I do it? And more importantly, how can I possibly reach the level of empathy required to release this woman's eyebrow from its unnaturally elevated state before the next basketball game starts?
As a young, 'enthusiastically driven' lad, I possessed an inherent ability to invoke the aforementioned look on a regular basis. I quickly learned that the amount of groveling I would need to evoke was directly related to the specific height of said eyebrow. I specifically mention the left brow because the right brow is reserved for members of the female species. The unfortunate males who may have inadvertently witnessed the right eyebrow at full mast, are typically unable to speak of it due to the sheer horror of the event.
Please allow me to offer you the benefit of my experience in this matter. I recommend that you read this over and over until you have committed it to memory, to the point that you will react instinctively when faced with this unfortunate scenario. Do not be so foolish as to think you are immune to this, it very well could save your life.
1. Look down immediately. Never make direct eye contact. Slumping the shoulders may help as well. (depending on the heightened level of the brow, you may want to get on your knees.)
2. Beg. Grovel. Cry if you need to. Your mission in life right now is to lower the brow as quickly as possible.
3. Offer up sacrifices. Flowers, Physical evidence of your undying Love, Jewelry, etc. Again, this is entirely dependant on the level of your stupidity.
4. Admit you were/are a moron. Without exception, you must take full responsibility for the wrongs your stupidity has caused this woman.
5. Praise her existence repeatedly. Let her know that she is totally the bomb, and your life would have been absolutely meaningless without her in it.
Perhaps this was helpful to you, but let me make one suggestion. Men, you should practice #5 on a regular basis. Regardless of whether you receive 'the look' or not.