I've been in my pre-Christmas funk the past few weeks and had some pretty serious conversations with the only one patient enough to listen to my ramblings and rants. That would be God. He knows that Christmas is hard for me because I feel guilty that my children have to spend their Christmas apart because of divorce and broken relationships. He knows that I wish we could be one big happy step family with everyone accepting each other, but we're not. He knows that I want my children to have fond memories of holidays spent together but there is too much animosity and unease between certain members in our house. He knows I wish my kid's dad and I could get along for their sake, but we don't. He knows..it all and I want him to fix these things.
As I pondered all this stuff, I realized that I really want a lot from God for Christmas. But what am I giving Him? He doesn't ask for much, just my love, trust and faith that He knows what he's doing and to let go and give Him control over it all. Have I done my part to make sure I'm giving everything I have to God no matter what my circumstances may be? Am I only focusing on what I don't have(yes) instead of what I do have(no)?
I think every now and then I have to stop and take an inventory of what's on my heart and put it all back into perspective. As I came to this realization, this song came on the radio. I love God's irony and how he likes to use unconventional ways of speaking to me.
Sure, my life isn't perfect and our family is a little more water and oil than peanut butter and jelly. But here's what I know for sure:
-God loves EVERYONE in this blended family of ours.
-My children know without a doubt that I love them unconditionally.
-Jon has been like a father to my daughter and loved her when she needed it most.
-God has always provided for and taken care of us.
-I have family and friends that are very precious and dear to me.
-Jon and I love each other and are committed to our marriage.
-God's plan is big and mysterious and I'm not always 'in the know', but that's how God works and He knows what He's doing.
Yep, it's time for a good house cleaning...just in time for Christmas.